dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
