I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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