Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
