hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
