If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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