I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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