I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
