There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
