Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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