I have demons in me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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