Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
