Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
