he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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