There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
