Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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