I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
