cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
