new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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