I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
