i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
