my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
