dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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