Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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