I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
a search helicopter?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
