I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
