Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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