I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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