Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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