READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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