Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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