How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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