Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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