Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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