And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
