Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
