I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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