imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
