I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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