You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
