I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
