so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
