Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
