is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
