Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
