so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
