no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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