the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
