You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so let's talk penis.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
