mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
