I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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