my phone needs a breathalizer
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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