Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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